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Wishcasting Wednesday for April 21, 2010 – What do you wish to dare?
Dare To “BELIEVE”!
For many people manic depression is a daily reality, a reality that I also share.
I choose to view this reality as both a blessing and a curse. It is both, the shades of gray that define the boundaries of my existence, and the colorful rainbow that blows these boundaries into oblivion.
For many people that have manic depression, they would rather experience life without it. I on the other hand welcome it, even embrace it, as part of the path leading me to a higher understanding of self, and a richer, deeper wealth of life experiences.
Imagine having both the locks and chains that bind ones existence, and all the keys needed to unlock these chains, all conveniently packaged in one place, that place being “SELF”.
I know that there is, and in fact must needs be, opposites in all things. Without it there would be imbalance in the universe, and the universe would cease to exist. Yin must balance yang. Justice must be tempered by mercy. Goodness must repair evil. And so on and so forth. FOREVER!!!
If you ever had the chance of knowing a manic depressive person, and spent any length of time getting to know them, you would find a person who really understands opposites.
I often find myself on both sides of an issue, and although I may believe that one side may be right, favorable, logical, or appropriate, I also understand the feelings generated by the wrong, unfavorable, illogical, and inappropriate. Two sides are found on every coin, but it takes both sides to make up that “single” coin.
The person I call self, is daily engaged in a personal internal struggle. A moment-by-moment, blow-by-blow, battle that in the end balances everything out at zero. The process is extremely taxing at times, but it has created the wonderful opportunity for me to… soar as high into joy, peace, hope, faith, and happiness, as I do… sink into despair, disharmony, fear, doubt, and sorrow.
My journey is not for everyone.
I do realize that my reality also creates an environment that is very undesirable for my wife, and all others, who know me well, and have chosen to have an emotional connection with me. I do feel for these people, and the consequences that they shoulder because of the love they hold for me. My heart does suffer for these consequences, but it is also overjoyed to witness such acts of compassion and love!
In getting to my “Wish to Dare” I walk a constant tightrope of… believing in myself, my talents and my abilities, and fear that… I have no talent or ability, and that I walk through life as a complete and utter fraud.
Remember the coin?
Well in this case my wish cast is to dare that “heads” will prevail… and that my belief in self will rise to a beautiful and complete manifestation of beauty, creativity, and worth. And through this manifestation, I’ll give back to all who have suffered through my choices… a compensation for their broken hearts. In the end I wish to dare that… every word, every deed, every emotion, and every consequence, will bring my life and the lives of others, back into perfect, unmistakable, and universal…